(set: $gobFull to 0)(set: $gobWeight to 0)(set:$ogressFull to 0)(set: $hasGuide to true)(set: $showfooter to false)(set: $dwarfDrunk to 0)(set: $beerD1CN to false)(set: $dwarfGuide to false)(set: $ogreGuide to false)(set: $woodElfGuide to false)(set: $halfBarrelD1CN to false)(set: $tableBread to true)(set: $tablePotatoes to true)(set: $tablePasta to true)(set: $tableSalad to true)(set: $meatForDinner to false)(set: $druidFull to 0)(set: $gotFakeMeat to false)Earlier today, a group of adventurers stormed Grimgullet Keep. Weapons gleaming, they cut their way through wave after wave of defenses. Skeletons were pummelled to powder. Ogres were cut off at the knees. And every one of the keep's countless hundreds of goblins were killed.
Every one except you.
Entranced by dreams of roast pigs and gravy, you slept through your companions' battle cries and, later, death gurgles. Now you awake, alone, a single doe-eyed goblette. The future of all goblinhood depends on you. And those adventurers are still at large in the castle.
Your stomach gurgles. Maybe you'll have yourself a little breakfast first...
[[Next->The Gobblery]]This is the Gobblery, a mud-caked hive where the castle's goblins rest when not swarming the halls.
The only other goblin here now is the almighty [[Gob-Queen->Gob-Queen]].
An [[Illustrated Guide]] to Grimgullet Keep rests on your bed.
A tunnel leads [[east.->Dirt Tunnel]]
(if: (passage:)'s tags contains "donotshowstomach")[<!--Do nothing-->](else:)[You are (if: $gobFull is 0)[(color: #FF0000)[RAVENOUS]](elseif: $gobFull is 1)[(color: #FF3300)[HUNGRY]](elseif: $gobFull is 2)[(color: #FFFF00)[A LITTLE HUNGRY]](elseif: $gobFull is 3)[SATISFIED](elseif: $gobFull is 4)[FULL](elseif: $gobFull is 5)[STUFFED](elseif: $gobFull is 6)[(color: #99FF99)[OVERSTUFFED]](elseif: $gobFull is 7)[(color: #66FF66)[UNCOMFORTABLY OVERSTUFFED]](elseif: $gobFull is 8)[(color: #00FF00)[DISGUSTINGLY OVERSTUFFED]](elseif: $gobFull is 9)[(color: #CC0000)[PAINFULLY OVERSTUFFED]](elseif: $gobFull is 10)[(color: #990000)[CRAMMED TO THE LIMIT]](elseif: $gobFull > 10)[(color: #660000)[CRAMMED BEYOND THE LIMIT]]] (if: (passage:)'s name is "INVENTORY")[<!--Do nothing-->](else-if: (passage:)'s tags contains "donotshowinventory")[<!--Do nothing-->](else:)[[[INVENTORY->INVENTORY]]](if: $gobFull <= 0)[You're too hungry to sleep right now. She wouldn't get any benefit from it, anyway.](else:)[You lie down in front of the Gob-Queen and sink into a deep, meditative sleep. As the food in your belly digests, the Gob-Queen eagerly absorbs most of the calories.(set: $gobFat to $gobFull)(set: $gobFull to 0)]
[[Get up.->The Gobblery]]You are carrying:
a barley-sack dress (being worn)
(if: $carryingFakeMeat is true)[a barrel of meat substitute powder]
(link-goto: "Back", (history:)'s last) This well-thumbed, yellowing pamphlet is your guide to the denizens and dangers of Grimgullet Keep. Alas, much of the information won't appear until *after* you've encountered the real thing! It was published by an evil villain, after all.
[[Creatures]]
[[Shut the book.->The Gobblery]](if: $dwarfGuide is true)[[[Dwarves->Guide Entry - Dwarves]]]
(if: $woodElfGuide is true)[[[Elves, Wood->Guide Entry - Wood Elves]]]
[[Goblins->Guide Entry - Goblins]]
(if: $ogreGuide is true)[[[Ogres->Guide Entry - Ogres]]]
Turn back to the [[table of contents.->Illustrated Guide]]Goblins are one of the most common castle inhabitants, dying in vast numbers to low-level adventurers and spawning in even vaster numbers in the fetid gobbleries below the castle. Roughly three feet tall, with green skin and oversized ears, goblins are known for their bottomless appetites and flexible, rubbery bodies, which allow them to consume several times their body weight in a single meal.
Goblins have a eusocial civilization, with a single queen goblin giving birth to all of the others and being cared for by them in turn. Worker goblins leave the gobblery to fetch food for the queen. Once gorged, they go to sleep at the feet of the queen, who then absorbs the calories through a mystical process which is still poorly understood.
[[Back to Creature Index->Creatures]]This narrow dirt tunnel is well-trodden by goblin feet.
The tunnels snakes from the [[Gobblery->The Gobblery]] in the west to the [[upper dungeon->Dungeon 1F Corridor Middle]] in the east.
A dank dungeon corridor.
The corridor continues to the [[north->Dungeon 1F Corridor North]] and [[south->Dungeon 1F Corridor South]].
In the western wall, a dark, nondescrepit hole leads towards [[the Gobblery->Dirt Tunnel]].
(set: $dwarfGuide to true)The northern end of a dank dungeon corridor. Through a doorway to the north, you see a set of treacherous stone stairs. (if: $dwarfDrunk >= 4)[A bloated [[dwarven warmaiden->Drunk Dwarf]] is sprawled across them, snoring like a chairsaw. You can easily step over her and head [[up.->The Great Hall]]](else:)[A [[dwarven warmaiden->Dwarf]] is perched a few steps up, one leg extended stiffly. She looks injured, but not so injured she couldn't do some damage with that battleaxe she's holding.]
(if: $dwarfDrunk < 4 and $beerD1CN is true)[She looks longingly at the barrel of beer resting against the bottom step.]
(if: $halfBarrelD1CN is true)[Her arm is cradling an open, half-full [[barrel of rye beer->Half-Finished Barrel]].]
The corridor continues [[south->Dungeon 1F Corridor Middle]] from here.
The southern end of a dank dungeon corridor.
The corridor continues [[north->Dungeon 1F Corridor Middle]] from here. Through an [[open door in the south wall->Beer Cellar]] you can see tall racks of barrels.
Barrel of beer are stacked to the ceiling on heavy oak racks. The air is filled with thick, yeasty fumes that make you light-headed.
An unsteady-looking [[stack of barrels->Beer Barrels]] teeters in the middle of the room.
There's an open door to the [[north->Dungeon 1F Corridor South]].
This is the Gob-Queen, mother of all goblins. (if: $gobFat is 0)[In the past, she was fat, ripe, and ever-fertile, but now she's skinny as a rail. Unless you can get some food into her, there will be no new goblin generation!](else:)[So far, you've fed her $gobFat helpings of food.]
[[Ask her some questions.->Questioning the Gob-Queen]]
[[Lie down.->Feeding the Gob-Queen]]
[[Back respectfully away.->The Gobblery]]
In front of you is a stout, gray-skinned lass clad in weathered but well-cared-for chain mail. The thick stone outcroppings on her head are shot through with veins of copper. (if: $dwarfDrunk >= 3)[She's so plastered she's having trouble focusing on you - and you're not sure if she can even move after guzzling a small pond's worth of liquid. Still, she's got a tight grip on that axe of hers...](elseif: $dwarfDrunk >= 2)[She's definitely drunk now, and her bulging stomach shows every drop of the four gallons she's consumed.](elseif: $dwarfDrunk >= 1)[She looks relaxed and tipsy, her eyes heavy-lidded, one hand draped over a bellyful of beer.](else:)[Her leg is stretched out, and her ankle looks chipped.]
(if: $beerD1CN is true)[(Hand her up the barrel.) [["Want some rye?"->Drinking Dwarf]]]
[[Talk to her.->Questioning Dwarf]]
[[Leave.->Dungeon 1F Corridor North]]
Wet snores gurgle up out of her beer-soaked innards - seven gallons of that stuff will put even the stoutest battlemaiden out like a light! She's swollen like a tick, but you should be able to squeeze past her.
[[Leave.->Dungeon 1F Corridor North]]
(if: $dwarfDrunk <= 0)["'Course I do!" she says, eagerly accepting it and chopping a drinking hole into the thick wood with one quick axe stoke. Her eyes closed in bliss, she drinks like a woman lost in the desert. "Whew!" she says when she's finished, tossing the empty barrel away and letting loose a gratified belch. "Now tha' was a real nice thing to do for a gal in need, ya wee scrumpet. Mind, I still gotta chop ye if ye try to leave the dungeon, y'understand. It's the principal of the thing."(set: $dwarfDrunk to 1, $beerD1CN to false)](elseif: $dwarfDrunk <= 1)["'Course I do! What do I look like to ye, a lightweight?" she says, taking the second barrel, chopping it, and resting it on her middle. She proceeds to drain it in one long, deep draught, the barrel lifting itself higher as her stomach bloats with the influx of brew. She drops the barrel, gasping and grinning as the alcohol soaks into her system. "See? Keep 'em comin', half-pint!" (set: $dwarfDrunk to 2, $beerD1CN to false)](elseif: $dwarfDrunk <= 2)["Coursh I deh," she slurs, opening the barrel and throwing it back. She has some serious trouble finishing this one, and you're not sure if it's because she's getting completely schnockered or if it's just the sheer volume of liquid she's trying to hold in. Her stomach is so full the links of her chainmail are starting to stretch thin, displaying the smooth gray flesh beneath. "Hiss the shpot!" she declares, thumping her chest and letting loose with another thunderous belch.(set: $dwarfDrunk to 3, $beerD1CN to false)](else:)["Yer fuckenright I deh," she gurgles. She manages to get the barrel open on her third try (she nearly takes off your head with the second) and lies back on the steps, opening her mouth and allowing the beer to slop in. When the stream slows, you gently tip the barrel with one finger to keep her drinking. At this point she's mostly swallowing to avoid drowning. The beer's about half gone when you hear the first snore. She's passed out!(set: $dwarfDrunk to 4, $beerD1CN to false, $halfBarrelD1CN to true)]
[[Back away.->Dungeon 1F Corridor North]]
You clamber onto the stack. The small barrels reek of strong rye beer. They look like they hold about two gallons each, but they're too tough for you to break into yourself.
(if: $beerD1CN is false and $dwarfDrunk <= 3)[[[Push->Pushing Barrels]] a barrel off of the stack.]
[[Climb down.->Beer Cellar]]
Putting your little muscles into it, you shove the topmost barrel off of the stack. It bounces off the flagstones and rolls into the dungeon corridor. The sound of sloshing fades into the distance as it rolls north.(set: $beerD1CN to true)
[[Climb down.->Beer Cellar]] Dwarves live under the mountains - and they're more than half mountain themselves, with dense flesh of flexible living stone and bodily fluids of liquid magma. They make powerful defensive warriors, not only hard to injure but, due to their unique biology, *dangerous* to injure as well.
When a dwarf's core digestive or circulatory system is damaged by a serious wound, they can experience a catastropic rupture, destroying not only themselves but anything or anyone unlucky enough to be within fifty feet of them.
For this reason, city- or town-dwelling dwarves typically cultivate thick protective beer bellies and bosoms, the better to cushion their delicate explosive innards. It's considered antisocial in dwarven culture to enter an urban area without being comfortably padded, a more which is applied to non-dwarven visitors as well (despite the lack of danger posed by their own organs.) Regina Falloway, an excessively vain human noble who bought an ambassadorship to Undercrag, was disgruntled to discover that her first official duty was to gain forty pounds so as not to offend her hosts by her svelteness.
Military or adventurer dwarves, on the other hand, often spend most of their time outside of large urban centers and typically keep themselves as chisled as possible to intimidate opponents with the high-pressure danger boiling just beneath their skin. However, their fondness for food and beer frequently results in dwarves little lighter than their city cousins. Their consumption of alcohol in particular is heroic - it's said that any dwarven battlemaiden worth her salt can drink as much as seven gallons of strong beer in a single sitting.
[[Back to Creature Index->Creatures]]You gently ease the barrel away from the snoring dwarf, feeling the weight of the thick, yeasty rye beer sloshing inside. Pushing all those barrels really works up a thirst! You bring the opening to your lips and slurp. A little of the beer escapes around the rough edges, dribbling down your chin, but you manage to swallow most of it.(set: $gobFull += 1, $halfBarrelD1CN to false)
[[Finish.->Dungeon 1F Corridor North]] The imposing entry hall of Castle Grimgullet. Twin rows of columns line the halls, giving an open view of the [[dining hall->Dining Hall]] to the west and the ballroom to the east. Tucked behind a tapesty, a hidden door leads down into the [[dungeons.->Dungeon 1F Corridor North]]
(set: $ogreGuide to true)This dining hall contains a massive oak [[dining table.->On The Table]] To the north, swinging doors lead into the castle [[kitchens->Kitchens]], while the [[Great Hall->The Great Hall]] is visible on the other side of a row of columns to the east.
(if: $ogressFull is 0)[A grumpy-looking [[ogress->Ogress 1]], scowling down at the food on offer, is seated at the head of the table in an oversized throne.](elseif: $ogressFull is 1)[At the head of the table, an [[ogress->Ogress 2]] lounges, tipped back in her reclining throne and resting her feet on the drifts of empty dishes.]
Directly above the ogress' seat, a [[rope->Rope From Dining Hall]] hangs down from the rafters.
(set: $woodElfGuide to true)It's sweltering inside the cavernous kitchens, and the air hangs heavy with savoury-smelling steam.
(if: $druidFull is 0)[An [[elf->Druid]] in mossy robes putters about the kitchen, tasting stews and stirring sauces.](else:)[An elf in mossy robes is snoring in a chair.]
To the south lies the [[dining hall->Dining Hall]], and the castle [[pantry->Pantry]] is to the east.
She gazes down at you imperiously. "What do you want to know?"
[["Uh, nothing."->Gob-Queen]] What do you want to talk to her about?
[[How did she hurt her leg?->How She Hurt Her Leg]]
[[How is she feeling right now?->How is the Dwarf Feeling?]]
[[Will she let me pass?->Will the Dwarf Let Me Pass?]]
[[Nothing right now.->Dwarf]](if: $dwarfDrunk >= 3)[She mumbles something incoherent. You probably should have asked her about this before you got her drunk off her big stone ass, if you really wanted an answer.](else:)["I was fightin' my way through the Great Hall, givin' as good as I got and more, but they were relentless. I was pushed back to the edge of the stairway, and then - one single cowardly shove and down I went. Chipped me ankle something terrible. Won't be able to walk until I can get to a decent sculptor and have this caulked up."]
[[Something else...->Questioning Dwarf]](if: $dwarfDrunk >= 3)["Hoof. I'm gettin' real fulla beer." She tries to shift position, but doesn't manage to do much more than slosh. "Not that I counna drink more, mind ye. Alwaysh room in the ol' tank for a lil' more fuelly-woo."](elseif: $dwarfDrunk >= 2)["Nooot bad." She pats her distended belly. "Always do my besht thinkin' on a full tank, ye know?"](elseif: $dwarfDrunk >= 1)["Aw, I'm not bad since you got me that drink. Wouldn't mind another, if you've got it."](else:)["I'll survive. My leg's not going to rupture. Could sure use a drink, though..." She licks cracked, dry. "Thirsty work, bein' lost in a dungeon."]
[[Something else...->Questioning Dwarf]](if: $dwarfDrunk >= 3)[She mumbles something drunken and incoherent which *sounds* a lot like a threat. She's still got that axe, too.](elseif: $dwarfDrunk >= 2)["Hell, no, y'shtupid greenie! Jus' cause you got me a couple of drinks, don't mean I'm gettin' - hic! - gettin' - hic! - gettin' *soft.*](else:)["Hell, no! I may be down, but I'm not out, and no goblin's gettin' past this gal!"]
[[Something else...->Questioning Dwarf]]You are standing on the dining table.
(if: $tableBread is true)[There's a [[basket of bread->Bread Basket]] to your left.]
(if: $tablePotatoes is true)[There's a [[mountain of mashed potatoes->Mashed Potatoes]] to your right.]
(if: $tableSalad is true)[There's a [[sizable salad->Salad]] in front of you.]
(if: $tablePasta is true)[At your feet is a [[platter of pasta->Pasta Platter]].]
(if: $tableBread is false and $tablePotatoes is false and $tableSalad is false and $tablePasta is false)[There's no food on the table right now. You can try [[calling for more.->Calling for More]]]
You can [[climb down.->Dining Hall]]
A basket heaped with loaves of fresh, warm bread.
(if: $gobFull <= 9)[[[Eat them!->Eating Bread Basket]]]
[[Not right now.->On The Table]]
A bowl loaded with piles of buttery mashed potatoes
(if: $gobFull <= 9)[[[Eat them!->Eating Mashed Potatoes]]]
[[Not right now.->On The Table]]
(set: $gobFull += 1, $tableBread to false)Your sharp little teeth crunch through the crust, and you eat until every last [[loaf is gone.->On The Table]](set: $gobFull += 1, $tablePotatoes to false)You happily scoop starchy mush into your face until the [[potatoes are gone.->On The Table]]The chubby elven cook meanders out of the kitchen, straining under the weight of her platters, the heavy chain attached to her ankle, and herself.
(if: $meatForDinner is false)[(set: $tablePotatoes to true, $tableBread to true, $tablePasta to true, $tableSalad to true)"Food's up!" she says cheerfully, refilling the bread basket and the salad bowl and heaping more potatoes onto the mountain. "Like, mind your toes!" She tosses a fresh platter of pasta at your feet and bustles back to the kitchen. The table is now [[full again.->On The Table]]](elseif: $ogressFull >= 1)['Belay that order!' groans the ogress, swatting her away. The elf squeaks and retreats to the kitchen. It looks like you're not going to get any more dishes put [[on the table->On The Table]] that way.](else:)[(set: $ogressFull to 1)(set: $ogressWantsMeat to false)"Voila!" she says, unloading in front of the ogress. "Like, a total fleshtival of meaty goodness for all your carnivorous needs!" She gives you a broad, theatrical wink.
"Finally!" the ogress grows, grabbing a steaming hunk of meatfauxf and stuffing it into her toothy maw. Her eyes open wide. "Fuffmp!" she exclaimed, swallowing it whole. "Now *that's* food!"
The ravenous barbarian proceeds to tear her way through platter after platter of fauxfurkey, porterhouse feaks, scamburgers, fauxghetti and cheatballs, tuna fishn't sandwiches, and more, devouring them almost as fast as the poor druid can scoop more powder from the barrel.
"Help!" she gasps. "Take these dishes out for me!"
Struggling under the burden, you carry another helping out to the ogress.
And another helping...
And another...
And [[another->After Ogress Meal]]...]
The ogress is an eight-foot mass of muscles and armor topped with an impressive pair of horns. Her skin is a mottled gray-green, and her hair is thick and black, tied back into a shaggy ponytail. Her thick fingers drum impatiently on the wooden armrest of her throne.
[[Talk to her.->Talking to Ogress 1]]
[[Back away.->Dining Hall]] A salad the size of a small thicket, boast whole tomatoes and even a pumpkin or two.
(if: $gobFull <= 9)[[[Eat it!->Eating Salad]]]
[[Not right now.->On The Table]]
A platter piled knee-high with fresh pasta.
(if: $gobFull <= 9)[[[Eat it!->Eating Pasta]]]
[[Not right now.->On The Table]]
(set: $gobFull += 1, $tableSalad to false)You crunch through salad leaves and bright vegetables until the [[bowl is empty.->On The Table]](set: $gobFull += 1, $tablePasta to false)You feed a feed woven strands into your mouth and slurp diligently until you've [[emptied the platter.->On The Table]]What do you dare ask the ogress?
[[What's going on in the castle?->What's happening in the castle?]]
[[Why isn't she eating any of this delicious food?->Why no eating?]]
[[Hey, lift me up to that rope, wouldja?->Lift Me To Rope]]
[[Nothing right now.->Ogress 1]](set: $ogressWantsMeat to true)Her upper lip curls, revealing a mouthful of sharp teeth to match her long, bladed tusks. "Because this is rabbit food!" she growls. "Worse, it's *goblin* food! I need meat. *Meat!* But that stupid elf refuses to make anything worth eating!"
[[Something else...->Talking to Ogress 1]]"They attacked through the great hall. I managed to cut the warrior and the druid off from the others. Bashed the warrior senseless and tossed her down the stairs - useless druid surrendered after that. Got her chained up in the kitchen. I've heard elves made good servants, but not this one, apparently." She folds her massive arms. "Rest of the party's somewhere else. Look, I just guard the Great Hall. Did my job."
[[Something else...->Talking to Ogress 1]]This curvy elf is clad in the greens and earth-tones of a druid, complete with an antlered headress topping a head of long, blonde hair. Her ankle is manacled by a long chain which leads to a nearby boulder, but she doesn't seem to mind. In fact, she seems quite happily absorbed in cooking and tasting the array of dishes in front of her.
[[Talk to her.->Questioning Druid]]
[[Leave.->Kitchens]]What do you want to talk to her about?
[[You look like you're a prisoner.->Druid Prisoner]]
(if: $ogressWantsMeat is true)[[[Don'tcha think that ogress would prefer meat dishes?->Tell Her Ogress Wants Meat]]]
(if: $carryingFakeMeat is true)[[[Hey, I found this vegan meat substitute!->Giving Substitute to Druid]]]
[[Nothing right now.->Druid]]"Like, I guess, kinda," she says, shrugging. "That ogress ordered me to cook for her. But, y'know, prisoner, not at prisoner, it's all the same to me. I strive to be, like, totally free of attachments, except for like in the sense I'm attached to that boulder, I guess. Anyway, I get to nibble as much as I want while I'm cooking, and that's, like, a totally sweet deal."
She sticks a finger in a pot of mashed potatoes and cheerfully licks it clean.
[[Something else...->Questioning Druid]]"I know, but," she says, squirming. "I'm a vegan, you know? Cooking that stuff is totally against my, like, moral compass! She really should try the veggie dishes. They're good and good for you!" She pats her midriff for emphasis. You can see that she's definitely not wasting away.
[[Something else...->Questioning Druid]]This is a pantry packed full of unprepared foodstuffs.
(if: $gotFakeMeat is false)[There's a barrel of [[Ma Oak's Cruelty-Free Meat Substitute]] here.]
The [[kitchens->Kitchens]] are to the west.
This is a heaping barrel of Ma Oak's Cruelty-Free Meat Substitute, a vegan-based powder which can be mixed into food to give it a rich, meaty taste. It hasn't been touched since the Dark Overlady bought it by accident (she meant to get Ma Orc's Extra-Cruelty Meat Amplifier.)
[[Take it.->Picking Up Substitute]]
[[Leave it.->Pantry]](set: $gotFakeMeat to true)(set: $carryingFakeMeat to true)You pick up the heavy barrel of powder. Whoof! There must be enough here for about [[five hundred helpings!->Pantry]](set: $carryingFakeMeat to false)(set: $ogressWantsMeat to false)(set: $meatForDinner to true)"Hm? Really?" She cracks the top of the barrel, takes a whiff, and frowns. "Grody! Smells like meat, all right!"
She brightens. "Hey, you know what? Like, I bet that ogress would totally love this stuff! Maybe she'll finally take a chill pill and stop hassling me. And as for what it really is, that can just be, like, our little secret, right?"
With a wink, she starts scooping powder into the mashed potatoes. "Hey, like, could you do me a favor? I hate having anything go to waste. Could you polish off the stuff that's already on the table for me? By the time you're done, I should have a some nice 'meat' dishes all ready to go!"
[[Aye aye!->Kitchens]]The ogress has put the throne in recline mode and is lying back in it, nearly horizontal. Twisted shards of metal, apparently all that remain of her armored girdle, litter the floor. One meaty hand cradles the side of her gigantically distended stomach. Her ponytail has come loose in the frenzy, and her eyes are glazed and heavy-lidded.
[[Talk to her.->Talking to Ogress 2]]
[[Climb up onto her belly.->Climbing The Ogress Belly]]
[[Back away.->Dining Hall]]You've been enlisted to serve the hungry ogress.
The druid hands you another dish. (if: $gobFull is < 3)[Your hungry belly twists with longing at the delicious meatlike aroma.](elseif: $gobFull is < 6)[It looks so good! Surely they won't miss a few nibbles.](elseif: $gobFull is < 8)[Your bulging belly makes a convenient spot to rest it...although that *does* leave the food temptingly close to your mouth.](else:)[You're so stuffed you can barely waddle from one room to another. Maybe...maybe you should stop eating...]
(set: $gobFull += 6)At last, the growled demands for more food fall silent. "Oh, thank Mother Oak!" the druid pants, her round face glowing with sweat. "I don't know how much more I could have taken!"
*That makes two of us!* you think, looking down at yourself. A little nibble here, a tasty lump sneaked into your mouth there - nobody would ever miss them. But all those little morsels do add up, and by the end you were so stuffed you could barely waddle from one room to another. *Phew!*
"Guess I'll get back to, like, cooking regular food," the exhausted elf says. "I'm totally hungry myself after that workout! [[Why don't you check on our guest and make sure she doesn't need anything?"->Kitchens]]What do you want to talk to the ogress about?
[[Can we get you some dessert?->Does the ogress want more food?]]
[[Nothing right now.->Ogress 2]](if: $gobFull is < 3)[You hop up onto the table and run along one thick leg before tackling the real meat of the climb. She's so dazed she doesn't even seem to notice as you easily scramble up the southern slope of Mount Muffintop and reach the [[summit.->Ogress Belly Top]]](elseif: $gobFull is < 6)[You lift yourself onto the table and walk along one thick leg before tackling the real meat of the climb. The ogress grunts under your weight as you hoist yourself up the southern slope of Mount Muffintop. This would be easier on an empty stomach...in more ways than one. Still, you eventually manage to reach the [[summit.->Ogress Belly Top]]](else:)[You heave yourself onto the table. *Hoof*, are you full. One look at the sheer size of the hillock in front of you is enough to make you see reason - no way are you going to be able to climb that in your current condition. You lower yourself back to the [[flagstone floor.->Dining Hall]]]You are standing on the very top of the ogress' bulging gut, high above the floor below. The resilient gray-green surface rises and sinks slowly beneath your feet as she breathes in and out, and intermittent foodquakes make your footing treacherous.
A climbable-looking [[rope->Rope From Ogress Belly]] dangles down just feet above your head. The only other exit is the [[treacherous path down the slopes.->Dining Hall]]
It's a thick, sturdy rope that looks quite climbable - if it weren't well out of reach of the floor. The other end ascends into the dusty darkness of the rafters, eventually disappearing from sight.
[[Back.->Dining Hall]]"Oh, you mean this rope?"
She grabs the rope easily and gives it a couple of playful tugs.
"Yeah, I could do that. I could do that easy. But I'm not gonna. You want to climb it, figure out a way up yourself...or grow a few feet, shrimpo!"
She throws back her head and guffaws.
[[Something else...->Talking to Ogress 1]]"No more," she belches miserably. "Couldn't...couldn't eat another bite."
[[Something else...->Talking to Ogress 2]]You wait until the ogress breathes out, causing her belly to rise to the highest altitude possible, and then *jump!*
(if: $ogressFull is 1)[...only for your fingers to barely brush the frayed end of the rope. Drat! If only her stomach was just a *little* bit bigger...
[[Oh well.->Ogress Belly Top]]](else:)[...and grab on. Success!]Wood elves live in the woods. Hence the name.
Most wood elves are simple gatherers, though their propensity for raw, untrained magic means they tend to have a rather higher standard of living than humans would at the same level of technological development. Most wood elven communities consist of a small, semi-nomadic tribe, usually led by a druid.
Although wood elves do not eat meat, they are accomplished hunters and *do* make prey out of a number of edible, mobile plant species. Because wood elves must keep agile, and because they hate waste, excess food is presented as tribute to the tribe's druid. While a too-thin druid is a sign of a struggling tribe, a too-fat druid can make it appear as if the tribe are bad stewards of the land, taking more than they need.
[[Back to Creature Index->Creatures]]Ogres are large apex predators. They have appetites the equal of any troll, but unlike a troll (which will eat almost anything), ogres maintain a completely carnivorous diet. Within those bounds, however, an ogre will eat, well...almost anything, be it wild, domesticated, or even sentient. Even their bread is made of ground bone meal.
Ogres are frequently found in the service of evil overlords and overladies. They can be useful in culling the weaker members of an evil army, but be cautious! A poorly-supervised ogre will gladly gorge on anything it can catch - so any army which includes ogres may possibly end up with an army of *only* ogres, and fat, lethargic ones at that.
Fortunately, a properly disciplined ogre will rarely eat more than a few of your minions without permission, provided it's kept well-fed. Even a well-trained ogre may go into a feeding frenzy if it's hungry enough, and when that happens, watch your fingers - and your arms.
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